My stone heart

2009-04-08T07:39:00.000-07:00

BACK. BACK. BACKKKKKKK. On a sudden impulse to randomly type things that do not have anything to do with how my day went and what i did today ( I detest blogs where people type their everyday life for i find them boring and simply not interesting to read. YES hong guo and darren, i'm talking about you.) ^^

I went and read through my old blog. Well one of my old blogs that were left to rot and die supposedly never to be seen again. And i am simply appaled and so so ashamed on how i typed. I wont even mention it here for fear of being more ashamed. hahaha =D

Despite the overall emo-ish atmosphere of my blog, i have taken a much optimistic and brighter look on life and such emo-ness won't haunt me anymore. Hong Guo says its childish. but hey, cmon, people who know me know i'm childish and that just makes me, well .... ME =D
My childishness makes me the awesome cool person i am today.

HELL YEAH

2008-09-08T07:57:00.000-07:00

Please forgive me for my selfish thoughts and actions, just awhile more. Just awhile more.
My feelings are in a mess, no not mess, i know what i want. I know i like you. Yet, theres this other thing. It's not a feeling, it's just an empty void. Probably a void waiting to be filled by you. So untill then, i can only sit and do nothing.

Sorry for being selfish.

2008-08-21T01:18:00.001-07:00

He lifts himself up high, high into the clouds, as high as the eagles soar. And he free falls down, spiralling down the clouds with the wind blowing past him. Feeling the sharp breeze, knowing that by falling, he is unable to move, getting pushed where the wind wants him to go. He falls down without a parachute, he has done so countless times. But this time, he lands breaking his last bone. He breaks a bone everytime he falls, he is down to none. He cant stand up, he can't lift himself up anymore, his free falling career ends now.

The doctors tell him he will heal in a year, but he doesnt care. He doesnt want to heal, for everything he has broke with him on that fall. He has nothing to stand up for anymore. No values, no meaning.

Now he only has the lies he has woven with him. The world made out of all lies is his only world. The only truth he knows broke, he knows to be humble now, for because of his cockiness, he falls without a parachute. He wasen't the tanker he thought he was, for he couldnt save himself from breaking.

Though he never regrets lgoing up so high, those were the moments he will always cherish and will always be in his heart. The lifting up, the passing of the clouds, all memories that are unforgettable. The fall, he thought he could take it like a man, when inside he really is afraid of it and is practically a baby when falling. Why he never brought a parachute with him he does not know.

This story he tells, is a story of self pity, for he himself is wallowing in self pity.

2008-08-04T07:42:00.000-07:00

i'm stressed, vexed, annoyed, everything. one word, in hanyu pinyin. FAN!

dammit, if at such a young age i'm starting to be so vexed, what will happen to me when i grow up!? so many damn things to think about, add more here and there, and i will start growing white hair, no need to dye.

I don't know what i'm doing anymore, i can't believe i thought of doing something i swore i would never do. Maybe what my mom said was right, and i find it very foolish yet true.

The words, to lock my heart up once more, and i will throw the key into the sea. Never to be open. I shall stop being foolish and to stop being a burden to others.

I'm myself.

2008-07-31T18:30:00.000-07:00

This post is dedicated to xia0royboy aka royston!! for he asked for one =x
wahahahahahhahaha
my number 1 brother who is very zai, wan piang he follow, wan chui taiji he follow.
and he is an awesome crabstick cutter!!!! sia la, when i say awesome, i mean AWESOME. hahahaha
And he supports all my decisions, so brotherly right?

There, a whole post just for you. I think i'm turning gay if i continue doing this.

2008-07-31T07:13:00.001-07:00

i feel so god damn transparent, but i can't blame anybody. Probably it's an issue i have about myself. It's like, hellooooo i'm still here, is my hair not bright enough or am i too small that i am not being noticed?
I'm just being selfish and a bastard here, so if any one of you read this, don't mind me, i just needed to get it out, it's not your fault =)

ANNNNNNDDDD.. i'm dying. Taken from roy, "i'm dying both physically and mentally, inside and outside"
But this time, i think its real. My hands are shaking non-stop now. Not the shaking when you fear something or what, it just shakes like theres no tomorrow. Jia lat, want use mouse also got difficulty. HOOOWWWWWW??

I'm a bastard, forget you ever knew me, and we shall walk our different paths from now on. I don't want to see you, such a bastard aye? a selfish selfish bastard of a guy i am.

2008-07-30T09:51:00.000-07:00

Today, i realise just what good brothers i have around me!

to HONG GUO. THANKS! wahahaha saying you will stay overnight in my songka, wa god dammit touching siol! hahaha, always give advice and all that. Brother until cannot brother le!

And to andy, no matter how guai lan or xia lan you are, i'm used to it! haha you are a good bro anyhow!!

ok gay time over, i'm not good writing things about guys, so please forgive me if it's too short. =)

p.s. i'm not gay =D no serious!

It is today that i also put on my mask once again, everything i will keep it to myself. No one needs to know how i feel.

2008-07-29T05:59:00.001-07:00

ROAR
hi blog
hi people reading this if there are any =)
i think i'm ready to retain next year, keep on leaving early. cannot make it already
die, damn jia lat.

BUUUUUTTTTTT
rp is horribly sian. People in other poly are stress due to their huge amounts of homework and projects with a very short deadline. Yet in rp, we get stressed simply due to the fact that we have nothing to do, we must actually try very hard to find something to do to keep us busy until 4 30. Thats like, 8 and a half hours of boredom and sian-ness.
Should have appealed to TP if i knew rp was so horrible.

To myself, i have nothing to be insecure about, i have nothing to fear. I will just keep doing what i do, for i am not inferior to other people, i'm not saying i'm superior. But i'm just not inferior.
if what i do is not enough, i will double it, double not enough? then triple it. wahahahah
i am a very stubborn guy, thank god i am. For you are the only one who can open my heart. No one else.

=D

2008-07-27T07:53:00.000-07:00

ROARRRR

Hi people. =)
-I'm bored, seriously bored.
-Plaza is getting more and more sian, i dread to go there.
-I must start saving money for myself
-Basketball is good excercise, need to do more to work out. Note to self, never play basketball when ming is there too. =)
-I still miss you, but there's nothing i can do anymore. =(
-I will still wait, i just wonder whether you will notice me over there in the shadows.
-Emo-ing must be condemned and anyone who sees me ever emo-ing again must punch me in the face and kick me in the balls to wake me up.
-I will never take things for granted anymore
-After all this, i'm still bored =(
-Someone call me please. Talk to me =)

And now, some pictures of me and gay ming

Notice how gay he is, always trying to get closer and closer to me. Oh well, gotta accept the gays
=)

2008-07-22T08:19:00.000-07:00

hmm
i think, i can finally move on. Seeing you yesterday had me sure. You are happy now, that's good enough for me. =D
So thanks for everything, the care and concern, the memories. I will just let go, maybe it's for the best for both of us. So keep staying cute, keep being who you are and always looks forward, never looking back.

cam whore guys for the win!

group photo of guys~

hurray for photobucket seemingly not wanting to resize my pictures. So they are tiny ><

2008-07-20T22:25:00.000-07:00

i have let you down, a milion sorrys can never change what i have done.

and i ake the 24 screwdrivers back, and use it o me.
for i have screwed myself up for countless things.
and that one screwdriver i gave you, it is for you to screw me back, for doing that to you.

只剩下鋼琴陪我談了一天

睡著的大提琴

安靜的舊舊的

我想你已表現的非常明白

我懂我也知道

你沒有捨不得

你說你也會難過我不相信

牽著你陪著我也只是曾經

希望他是真的比我還要愛你

我才會逼自己離開

你要我說多難堪

為什麼還要我用微笑來帶過

我沒有這種天份

包容你也接受他

不用擔心的太多

我會一直好好過

你已經遠遠離開

我也會慢慢走開

為什麼我連分開都遷就著你

我真的沒有天份

安靜的沒這麼快

我會學著放棄你

是因為我太愛你

2008-07-20T07:32:00.000-07:00

was soh yilin's birtheday yesterday, so a happy birthday!!
we helped out preparing the food for it.
haha this must thank dear jason yap for being the main chef and andy tan for being second chef and dear royboy for being the crabstick cutter

2008-07-18T03:07:00.000-07:00

one word,

boom

2008-07-17T08:44:00.000-07:00

ahhhhhh fuck, people today in a very fucking bad mood ROAR!

first off, this my friends, is called a screwdriver, a tool that can be found in most households

people use it to screw in screwdrivers, personally i use this screwdriver to screw some fucking bastard up. I'll screw it in that fucking brain of urs, 24 times. 24 bloody times. Get your bloody act up, and act like, i dunno.. a human? god...

Now that thats put out of the way,
WHY WON'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME DO WHAT I WANT TO DO!?!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH WANTING TO DO WHAT I DO
TELL ME WHAT!!!! GOD DAMMIT WHATTTTTTTTT

ok
that felt better
=)

this is a fucked up post due to my currently fucked up mood because of fucked up things.
It's really quite fucked up.

2008-07-16T04:04:00.000-07:00

Well, since i already uploaded the group photos taken on cheese's birthday thanks to someone. hahah =)

here they are, but only got 2.

ok its abit small, but oh well, and you can surely spot me easily =)
i have awesome hair, yeap

and to you, im ready anytime, to take you away ontop of my white horse, away from that monster trapping you in the castle, this will be our fairytale, and like all fairytales, i will make it end happily ever after. =)

2008-07-15T05:47:00.000-07:00

They say loving you gives pains and full of sacrifices But I'll rather take pains and lots of sacrifices than not to be love by you.

I have said what i needed to say, the very fact that you are irreplaceble and cannot be substituted by anyone else.
I will wait, i will spend my lifetime waiting if i have to.

Today is a sad day when i realise how little an impact i made on you, it is also a day where i tell myself to keep persisting and never give up, for giving up would mean that i have given up a part of my being.

2008-07-13T21:57:00.001-07:00

FIRSTLY.. first post here,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHEESE AKA WINSTON AKA CHEESE lolol
i know you loved everything about today, the cake smashing, the tau pok, the cake smashing, cake on your face, did i say cake smashing?? wahahahahhahah
TOO lazy to put the awesomeness that is the group pic of today =D

ANNNNDDDD to a certain someone. you know who you are, it dosen't matter what happens, i can take it all, but please tell me when something is bothering you, you may think it is nothing, but i think it is very very important. you mean the world to me, no matter what other people say =D and those 4 days were hell, trust me, they were simply hell